10 days overdue tomorrow.
I'm so done with this now.
I'm sore, SO uncomfy, stressed and haven't slept properly in months. I've just spent 15 mins trying to get comfy in bed. I can't. I want to scream. I want her out.
It's not that I even want to meet my baby (which I feel awful about) I just don't want to be pregnant any more. Mark is so excited and I don't really care right now. I just don't want her in me anymore.
I'm booked to be induced Tuesday and I'm petrified. The ONLY thing that I was ok about regarding giving birth was that I could have a waterbirth in the birthing centre.
If she doesn't come in the next 2 days and I'm induced it'll have to be a labour ward birth.
:(
Update:
I was having a really bad night when I wrote that. It's all true, but that was a bit of a huge rant.
Anyway, again, I know if she's not ready she won't come and that you can't plan a birth, and you have to just go with what's best.
I know that. All along I've wanted a birthing centre birth but I've said I'd do whatever I need to do. It's just because it's the home run now, it's so close and so real, to be honest I'm just really really scared of the pain but didn't want to have an epidural and the best way I thought I'd deal without one was water. I'm just full of hormones, soreness and I'm disappointed.
Come on Lilly. You have 2 days left.
I didn't get the water birth I so wanted with Brynn. But for me it was was a path that went like this (and I am sorry if I have said this before):
ReplyDeleteLabour would progress further if we break your waters, would you like us to?
Me = yes
I wanted to get in the pool at that point but because they tested my urine AFTER my waters broke .. of COURSE there was protein in it. So they were worried about my BP so said no.
So contractions went from manageable to really not.. which led to pethadine which let to epi which led to me being bed bound which led to Brynn not getting into right position which led to CS.
There could have been a whole host of reasons as well.. and also being in the 'high risk' catagory for weight they were paranoid about my BP despite it being find most of the way through with 1 blip a few before. I'm not upset because I had a CS .. just that because of pre conceived ideas (my weight), procedure and bad timing it could have been different.
So I think my biggest advice is to take a bottle of frozen water (yeah I've said it before)but also remember that having your waters broken may only advance labour by up to an hour. (You're quite welcome to research that bit) I do believe a lot more in letting your body do it's thing. And now my biggest regret was saying yes to that.
But also ... I know so many women that coped so much better than me with the pain side. Don't be scared of it. And don't worry how you will cope. You just will be where you are. And if you DO feel the need for an epi see if you can get a mobile epi that means you can stay mobile and not end up on your back.
You will be fine!!!!!!!!!!Promise.
oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you feel so tired and sore. It will be over soon xxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how once they're out, you forget all about what it was like when they were in. Close now, no matter how!
ReplyDelete