Zombie baby!

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Hope this doesn't last...

I've been feeling generally pretty 'meh' and 'bleugh' for a while now.
I'm fed up and I shouldn't be.
I have (pretty much/nearly) everything I've ever wanted.
:(

Awww.

I love the way babies are awake and full of beans one minute, then pass out really quickly the next!

So, a quick update.

I've been lazy with my blog. Sorry!
Things are quite stressful at the moment. My dad had a cancerous lump removed from his leg 2 days ago, a baby I know is in a hospice because he has Spinal Muscular Atrophy and doesn't have long to live, and various other stresses to do with living in/moving out of Marks mums/doing up my dads place, and our (delayed, feels-like-it'll-never-happen) wedding.
Oh, and my hair is falling out. Loads of it :(

I'm trying to do a few freelance bits here and there but just don't have much coming my way.
I had a master-plan yesterday to do with wedding illustrations and such. Just don't seem to have any time to get anything done tho.

I'm also super tired. Lilly sleeps through so I shouldn't complain but.....Zzzzzzz.

Ok, on to some photos for Alana.





























































Hope you're all well. Xxx

-

Meh.

More pics for Alana <3

LOADS of news, absolutely no time to tell it. Pics for Alana <3

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5.56am

I was booked into hospital yesterday (14.06.11) 11 days overdue, at 8am to be induced.
Had 2 prostin pessaries, 6 hours apart then told I'd have to stay in to see what happened.
Had the most awful, uncomfortable nights sleep EVER.
This morning at 5.56am, I sat up and my waters went. So much water!! There must have been about 2 pints? And I'm still leaking a little bit now.
The midwife came to change my sheets and hooked me up to the monitor again to make sure
Lilly's ok. Seems I'm having some strong contractions according to the monitor, tho they're not painful yet.
Mark's coming up early, bless him. He's so excited. I'm kinda excited, mainly tired, hungry and glad something's happening.
I miss Shadow and Marian.



Left line: Lilly's heart, right line: my contractions.

10 days overdue tomorrow.
I'm so done with this now.
I'm sore, SO uncomfy, stressed and haven't slept properly in months. I've just spent 15 mins trying to get comfy in bed. I can't. I want to scream. I want her out.
It's not that I even want to meet my baby (which I feel awful about) I just don't want to be pregnant any more. Mark is so excited and I don't really care right now. I just don't want her in me anymore.
I'm booked to be induced Tuesday and I'm petrified. The ONLY thing that I was ok about regarding giving birth was that I could have a waterbirth in the birthing centre.
If she doesn't come in the next 2 days and I'm induced it'll have to be a labour ward birth.
:(


Update:
I was having a really bad night when I wrote that. It's all true, but that was a bit of a huge rant.
Anyway, again, I know if she's not ready she won't come and that you can't plan a birth, and you have to just go with what's best.
I know that. All along I've wanted a birthing centre birth but I've said I'd do whatever I need to do. It's just because it's the home run now, it's so close and so real, to be honest I'm just really really scared of the pain but didn't want to have an epidural and the best way I thought I'd deal without one was water. I'm just full of hormones, soreness and I'm disappointed.
Come on Lilly. You have 2 days left.

41 +1

Hospital yesterday.
They monitored Lilly for half an hour and she's fine. They then scanned me to double check she's head down. She is, but not engaged.
The midwife then tried to give me a membrane sweep to start labour but she said my cervix is high and closed and she couldn't even feel Lilly's head.
She tried her best but I haven't had anything from it.
They also booked me in for an induction for Tuesday morning when I'll be 41 weeks +5 days. 12 days overdue. So....she'll definitely be here by Tues/Wednesday next week. I'm still hoping she just comes without intervention so we can use the birthing suite and pool.
I'm feeling sore. The stretch marks under my belly are big and ouchie. My ribs are being kicked a lot. Pelvis and hips are painful and I have heartburn all the time. Thanks to those things, I'm not sleeping well either.
Oh well. Not long then i'll have to find something else to whinge about.

40wks +6

Just been to see the midwife. Lilly's head is still not engaged and my blood pressure is a little high. Got a hospital walk-in thing tomorrow morning to see if they can see why she's not getting ready.
Midwife said if my waters go and she doesn't feel like she's engaged, to go to the hospital straight away because 'cord prolapse' can happen.
She also said it could all just happen naturally at any time anyway and it's just a waiting game really.
Cant see my specialist cause his team are only Tuesday's and if i need to be induced it'd be this Tuesday coming cause that's when I'd be 12 days over so that's why they wanna see me sooner I think. Just incase I need to be induced.
Bleurgh.
And the midwife kept saying things like "she has a good sized baby on board too" and "yes, it's quite a large baby" I KNOW!!! I carry it round all day!!!

4.30am. 40wks +5

*yawn*
Whilst being pregnant and awake as much as asleep in the night, I've learnt that Mark talks a fair bit when he's sleeping.
Not big conversations, just snippets like "no, they can just go over there if you want" and boring stuff I try to remember but forget almost immediately.
I used to sleep walk and talk when I was little. Wonder if I still talk. The dogs do!
Anyway, I didn't actually have anything interesting to say, I was just awake, uncomfy and bored.
Hope you're all well. X

:(

No sweep. They cant cause she's not even got her head engaged in my pelvis any more. Got another appointment Tues to see what's going on :(

Sweep

So I'm booked in for a midwife appointment at 11.30am this morning. They're going to offer me a membrane sweep which is an internal where they sweep the finger around inside between baby and cervix. This can release hormones which start labour. It can also do nothing at all!
It's also supposed to be a bit ouchy, or at least uncomfy.
I'm just having a bath while mark walks the dogs, then we'll head off.
Fingers crossed!



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Due date.

So today was Lilly's due date.
It came and it went. Well, there's still an hour and 10mins to go, but unless a birthing miracle happens I think it's a safe bet to say she's late.

It's been a hard day for me today. I've been really emotional and close to tears all day long.
I'm tired and I want her out.
I slept badly and woke up to Lilly in the most painful, ridiculous position ever. It took me ages to get out of bed, and just as long to stand upright. It was so painful! So yeah, not a great start to the day.
I (stupidly, I know) feel guilty that Mark's taken this time off of work and she's late. Feel like it's my fault. I know she'll come when she's ready.
Actually, i know she's not even late yet seen as today's her DD, its just what with us thinking we'd need a caesarean 2 weeks ago, it kinda feels like she's late now cause we had a date in our heads.

Mark is amazing.
He's so so excited about meeting her and being a dad.
He's put up with all of my mood swings the past few months, and the last month he's been extra brilliant. As things have got harder for me he's been really looking after me. Giving me feet rubs, head rubs, extra cuddles.
We go together to take the dogs out twice a day and he walks extra slow even tho I know he really hates walking slow. He happily just takes them by himself too if I don't feel up to it and he deals with them all the time when we're at home.
Whenever I'm sad he'll properly chat to me about what's wrong and talks me round. I'm so lucky.

Right now I'm laying in bed and Lilly's moving round like an alien. I don't know how she has any room in there! I'm huge.
Anyway. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
X

3 days to go

Youch.
So tired.
She's getting her feet right under my ribs now and pushing.
We want her out. We were hoping she'd make an appearance on Marks 30th bday, but yesterday came and went. Nothing.
I've been napping every afternoon. Marian's been protecting me ;)

Awake.....and Mark's bday.

4.50am. "I can't get no sleep"
Ooh. That's a good song.

So. 4 days til due date and it's Mark's 30th birthday today.
I was really hoping Lilly would come today. Maybe she will later, but I dunno. I don't feel anything other than her moving occasionally.
No cramps, pains, nowt.
I am just generally sore tho. Back and hips mainly.
I woke up an hour ago at 4am ish and I really don't think I'm gonna be able to sleep again.
Eugh.


Oh. I knitted some clown type booties for baby. They look cuter in real life. Gonna put buttons or pom poms on the fronts.


Anyway. I'm gonna try sleep. X

So tired

Mark and I just took the dogs up to The Downs for a walk (gorgeous little country paths, fields and woodlands) The weather's amazing today. So bright and not too hot.
We're off into Sutton to get a few bits now. I have to post something to my friend in the states, and I want to get a few tops I can wear if I go out and I need to breast feed (when she decides to arrive) but I just got SO crazy tired I feel like I could pass out and sleep for 5 hours!
I'm 39 weeks tomorrow. A week til she's due, but no sign yet.
Come on Lilly. Mummy's sore.

Update: been shopping etc. Now in O'neills getting some food. I feel like I've been kicked hard in the coccyx and that someone's tried to snap my pelvis in half :(

Wemake craft classes

Anyone fancy learning something crafty like cake decorating or embroidery or......well lots of other things! Have a lookie here:
http://www.wemakelondon.co.uk/page26.htm

It's the guys who run the craft fair I had a stall at Christmas before last.
Might be worth going to a few.
Sign up quick tho :)


PS. No Lilly news. Thought my waters had broken but I don't think they have :-/

Weird

Had a dream I was marrying a fat man I didn't really know. I certainly didn't fancy him but we were there about to tie the knot. Standing in the isle with my wedding dress on, thinking is 'oh god. I don't love this man!!! I don't even know him. I KNOW I'll be getting a divorce immediately!!'
I was completely overwhelmed by guilt and confusion.
I woke up and for a split second I thought that it wasn't a dream, then I looked over at Mark and I'm pretty sure I've never been happier or more in love at 4am.
PHEW!
:-D

Zzzzzz

It's about 3.50am. Woke up at 3.30 with really bad acid reflux and a tummy ache.
I'm so tired and sat here in bed, propped up with Mark fast asleep next to me.
I'm really nervous about actually giving birth to Lilly. She's wiggling round in my belly all happy, and although I really want her out now, every time I get a cramp or something that's uncomfortable or a bit painful it gets me thinking about just how bad the birth pain and contractions are gonna be.
Eugh. This heartburn/reflux is making me want to be sick....



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I feel crappy today.

I seem to have a bit of a cold this morning. Snotty nose, annoying cough. And I slept terribly again.
My tummy, ribs and hips kill when I try to move in the night. I'll wake up with heartburn or needing a wee and have to move super slow, using the slatted headboard of the bed to pull myself round or up. Even then I'm in agony.
I keep expecting to stand up at night and for my waters to go.
it feels like my rib and hip bones have been put in a vice, and it hurts to walk now too.
Boo.
Come on little Lilly-bear.

UPDATE:
Feeling better now, well, kinda.
Anyway, off for Chinese! Not a take out either! We're eating in! Whooo! Yummy.
And mark has the weekend off :)


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12!!!

Just ate a whole pack of Jaffa cakes. 12 of them!
Oops.
*Burp*

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I <3 Kay

Kay is my Osteopath.
Poor woman saw me for an appointment today, hairy legs, bikini line, stinky feet ;) the lot.
What a hero.
I felt amazing for about 10 mins, but now I feel like I need a rest. Lilly is doing something painful to my hips. Maybe it's just that she's H U G E.

I have to go to Morrisons now to get stuff for dinner. Spag Bol tonight.

Oh and Shadow hurt his front left leg somehow this morning. He was so lame on it :(
Poor little guy. I hope he's ok.

Ooh. Scan tomorrow.
10.10am then specialist appointment at 11.15am.


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Oop!

Just seem to have spent £30 odd in Morrisons on heartburn tablets, ice-cream, nail varnishes and biscuits.

So much going on!

We had the meeting with the specialist at the hospital about birth options yesterday morning.
Basically it just gave us a chance to ask any questions about c-sections and stuff. She also did a check on Lilly. She's head down still and her heartbeat is good.
We have another scan on the 10th, which is Tuesday. If my placenta hasn't moved, or not moved enough I'll be booked in for a caesarean in my 38th week.
(I'm 36weeks tomorrow.) So I'll know by Tuesday what's happening. We might even have a date!
If my placenta is still low, I have a c-section and everything goes well, I'll have to stay in for 3 days.
If I go into labour before the booked in date, I have to go to the hospital immediately and I'll have to have an emergency section.
You never know, it might all be fine by Tuesday and I can have a natural birth.

We have an anti-natal class today. I'm an idiot and got the dates wrong so we missed the first two of them :(
Then we're off to my dads to speak to the architect about doing the house up.

Tomorrow I have a midwife appointment, Friday I'm going to see Anna (I really can't wait!!!) and Saturday we have the maternity ward tour.
It's never ending! Then it all starts up again next week.
I'm just counting down the days til the scan.

Ah, thanks to Michael Leckie I've had some retouching to do, tho we still don't have the Internet so getting hold of the pics was a mission!
Fingers crossed Sky will deliver the wifi box thing this week.

I hope you're all well.
Girls from work, I miss you all loads. Don't forget me!!!
Xxx

This week.....

So on tuesday we had the 34 week scan to see if my placenta had moved. We didn't get any scan pics. I think Lilly was too big. From the measurements, they think she's (about) 6lb 10oz already and the lady who did the scan said she has hair and long legs.
Placenta hasn't moved much. I'm booked in to discuss birth options this tuesday in case it hasn't moved. I've also been booked in for another scan on the 10th may to see if it has moved. If not it'll be a caesarean.
Scan lady seemed to think I'd need one as placentas don't move much this late in pregnancy.
She is head down tho, waiting, bless her.
Oh and she double checked, she IS a girl :)

Things are getting a lot harder for me now. I have lots of appointments and things to do and remember. I'm huge. My feet are still massively swollen and sore and I'm not sleeping. Probably about 3 hour stretches at the most.
The dogs are driving me mad, living with Marks family. They haven't really settled and Marks mum worries and fusses about them.
Things that I'd deal with normally, or that wouldn't even be an issue before, I'm reacting to completely differently because of his mum.
It's hard.

Yesterday Shadow pulled me over in the park. I was on a bit of a slope and the grass was slippery. I fell on my hands and knees and it really shook me up. I hate that I'm finding things hard to deal with that weren't a problem before. I've also found I'm really nervous about anything hurting Lilly-bump and I'm extra careful when I'm doing things.

I miss people.
I've found that without the Internet I feel really isolated. I've wanted to visit people or do things but actually doing them is another matter.
It'd mostly mean leaving the dogs, and I don't like putting that burden on Marks mum. Plus I'm huge and tired and sore. I just can't be travelling everywhere.

I'm sure there was more I was going to write.
It's 9am and I've been awake since 5.30am just laying here and before that I didn't really sleep much, so my brain's not right today.

Look at this beast of a belly!!

Happy Easter weekend!

I hope you're all having a great time an you're enjoying the sunshine. Xxx

I think I did too much today

Today I took Shadow and Marian to their old park for a walk with Gav (our old flatmate) It was SO hot out! On the walk back Lilly turned somehow and i had a horrid, super strong stitch feeling in my side. It hurt loads!
I was trying to act ok cause I didn't want Gav to think I was going into labour or something!

Then I had to head to Putney to see my friend Jess. She's pregnant too and is being induced on Saturday!
She'd bought me a gorgeous handbag and a bib and matching little fabric shoes for Lilly.
Her hubby took us for a lovely lunch on the river. Here's Jess and her little boy, Tom.



When I headed home it'd started raining and there was a storm.
My feet were so swollen it's just ridiculous. They're still so painful feel like the skin's 3x too small and someone's stamped on them.
So, I got in and had to lay down for a while. Then I got itchy, twitchy, felt super sick and really uncomfy.
So I'm feeling really big and just generally gross and disabled! It's hard sitting up, bathing, walking too far/too fast and Lilly is using me as an internal punchbag.
Roll on Tuesday for the scan.

Catch up

I never did post about my midwife appointment on Monday. Well she thinks she's still breech. She said that it could be because my placenta is still laying low, so she hasn't turned and there's not much we can do til I have the 34 week scan on Tuesday. That way they can see where the placenta is, if it has moved, and check where she's at.
If the placenta is still low I'm going to have to have a caesarean whether she's breech or not.
If the placenta has moved but she's breech I'll be referred to a specialist who (I think) would offer me a few options.
They can give me some exercises to try to turn her, they can try to turn her themselves (hands on, from the outside.....can be painful from a few things I've read, and doesn't always work/they turn back) I can opt for a breech birth, or they offer a caesarean.
Even if I decided to go for a breech birth, I couldn't have a water birth like I'd have wanted and they highly recommend an epidural, which I also wasn't keen on unless needed, so.....IF placenta's low/she's breech/both, I think I'd go for a caesarean. I guess at least that way we'd know when she was coming and I could prepare for recovery.
I feel pretty scared about the birth anyway, let alone cutting my baby out.
Anyway. We just have to wait til Tuesday. Everything could be absolutely fine.

What a lovely day

So sunny and hot!
Just had a lovely stroll with the dogs, exploring local green bits they can go to. They're both shattered!
I'm gonna get in, put my feet up and do some knitting i think. Maybe I'll get that blankie finished that I started about 18 months ago!!
Anyway, look at this sky!!!

Moved.

Moved to marks mums yesterday. Slowly slowly getting sorted.
My back's sore today and my feet are huge.
Just walking the dogs in the sunshine then off to the midwife. Wonder if Lilly's decided to turn yet.
Oh. No Internet yet and 3G sucks at mums. I'll update on my phone when I'm out with the dogs I guess.

F*ing Doctors >:-[

I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get to have a rest before Lilly arrives.
Walked the dogs for an hour and a half (cause they met their doggy friends and were enjoying themselves so I stayed longer to tire them out) then I got home, popped Marian in her crate, called my dad (who I'm meeting in Morden) to say I'd left, then headed to the bus stop via the Doctors for my medical exemption form they'd completed which I need to send off.
JESUS that place is a joke.
They gave me the form, I walk half way to the bus stop and realise they've buggered it all up!
I filled it in originally, but the doc had got a new form, filled it all in again with Lilly's expected due date wrong and even tho at the top of the form in BOLD CAPITALS it says the form must be competed in black ink, the doc has done it in scrawly blue cartridge pen.
I had to walk back and explain they'd screwed up something AGAIN.
So I had to re-fill the details and have to wait for a doc to fill in their part.
Now I'm really really late for meeting my dad.
On top of that i still have to go have a blood test at the hospital, go to B&Q, go get dog and walk up to marks mums.
I feel like swearing. A lot.
Sorry for the giant rant.
GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

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So. No more work....

That's weird! What WILL i do with myself?! ;)

My last day was just strange. I didn't feel sad at work, just nervous and a bit worried.
I didn't really think many people would be able to come to my leaving dinner/drinks and I was SO so shocked that so many did come!
It was really overwhelming and amazing. Everyone's so wonderful and I'm going to miss them all loads. Mark and I are so lucky. People bought us more gifts, and even collected some money for bits we might need for Lilly, and I got some gorgeous flowers too!!!
It's going to be so weird not seeing my Mishmish, Lana and Gosia every day/week, but once littley's here I'm going to make a huge effort to see my friends more. I can be really lazy, and I want to change that.
Anyway, I had such a good time at my leaving do. I hope everyone else did as well.

So. 2nd day of freedom. The flat's a WRECK. We're moving this week. Hoping to be out by sunday and we have so much crap everywhere. I don't know where to start.
Yesterday I spent ages chatting to my friend who's in Australia on Skype, then chatted to Marks mum for ages, walked the dogs lots, packed a box of stuff to leave here in the loft, and that was about it really!
To be honest, I got up this morning, walked the dogs, and now I just want to go back to bed!
I have to go into Sutton tho and get a few bits and bobs, then I really need to sort some stuff out round here. I'm trying to get the last of the things I'll need for the birth, and Lilly will need when she's here. I think we pretty much have everything now! It's just little things like nappy creams and stuff.
Tonight we're going to Ikea ( I LOVE Ikea!!!! :D Yay!) to buy a wardrobe, a desk and a chair for mums house. I just feel like we're spending lots of money at the moment! Decorating the room at mums cost a bit, what with the nice wallpaper and curtains! Last night I bought an electric breast pump. Whooo! Rock and Roll. It was bloody expensive too! £75! Jeez.

Anyway. Enough rambling. I have to go shopping. I'll leave you with a pic of my ever expanding stretch-marked tummy! (I hope it doesn't offend too many of you!) Enjoy :P

One more day

One more day at work and I'm on maternity.
I'm sad, excited, scared, and tired!
I'm so going to cry :(




7 weeks 2 days til she's due.
15 days til our 34 week scan to see if my placenta has moved out of the way. I'm going to ask them to check again that she IS a girl!!

Marks been at his mums today, decorating our room. We've moved some bits in. That'll be our job for the rest of the week!
I just wanna sleep and put my fat feet up!!

Sunshine!

What a beautiful day.
I'm on the train to Victoria to then go to Covent Garden to meet Rosie!!
The day's been a bit stressful already. Marian rolled in poo, my feet are still ridiculously swollen and none of my clothes seem to fit.
Oh well. I'm going to try to buy a few bits from H&M today. Hopefully I'll find some cheapish dresses or long tops.

Just ate a Twix and Lilly's wiggling :)
It was yummy!

2 more days at work :-o

I can't believe it!! It's all going so fast and I have so much to do and so little time.
I'm 32 weeks today!! 56, well...55 days til shes's due, and jeez I'm sore.
Swollen feet, sore ribs (I think my boobs are too heavy :( ouch) and general tiredness.
I have tomorrow off of work to meet my friend Rose who I love lots, but I kinda just want to stay in bed!!!
Just on the train home. Mark's meeting me and we're popping to B&Q to look at wallpaper, rugs, lampshades and night-lights for moving into mums.
Marks going to decorate the room for us.
I can't wait til her little Moses basket is all set up, along with her other baby bits and bobs. I think it'll feel real then cause at the moment I still find it hard to believe.

Count down.

My maternity leave starts when I'm 32 and a half weeks pregnant. (Pregnancy has 40 weeks.)
I thought at the beginning that I'd be able to work until a couple of weeks before my due date, but I was SO wrong.
It's Friday, I'm 29 weeks and it feels like it's been the longest day ever. I've just sat down on the train on the way home from work and I'm exhausted.
The last 2 weeks have been hard. My feet have started getting swollen and not only does it look horrid but it's really uncomfortable.
My eyes have been tired and gritty all day and my back's sore. I can't imagine what it's going to be like carrying this little lump, in a months time.
This weekend I'll be:
Walking the dogs, doing a bit of retouching / drawing, going to see my dad and meeting my friend Kate to do a bit of shopping.
It'd be nice to do NOTHING. But then I'd hate that I'd wasted the weekend. And I always have to walk Rat and Bear no matter what.
Boo.
X

Monday 14th March 2011

Welcome to the 1st post of my new blog.
Hopefully I'll be better at keeping this one than all of the others I've tried over the years!

The main reason I'm starting this blog is that I'm 28 and a half weeks pregnant. We're expecting our 1st little baby, Lilly Scarlett Raymond on the 2nd of June and I'll be finishing up work to go on maternity leave in 21 days. It's all going so quickly! I'm really going to miss my work mates. They're pretty much the only girls I see on a regular basis and they're all brilliant.
One of my closest friends at work suggested I start a blog so they can keep updated about things going on with my (new) life, so here we are!
I've been meaning to get this blog sorted for a couple of weeks, but I'm doing it today as I'm actually supposed to be at work but yesterday I hurt my back, so I'm sitting on the sofa with my feet up and a heat pack on, feeling sore. I slept horribly but that seems to be a regular thing now I'm getting so big. Hopefully if I rest up I should be fine for work tomorrow.

It's a lovely sunny day today and I've been watching a magpie making a nest in a tree right outside of my window. The dogs are both asleep on the sofa next to me, Lilly's asleep in my tummy, Mark (my fiancee) and Gavin (our flatmate) are both at work and to be honest, I'm completely bored. Day time TV sucks SO bad!


I'll be using this blog as a place to document the rest of my pregnancy and to post up random bits and bobs too. Hope you all enjoy it and thanks to Alana for the idea.
Lets just hope I have the time and I'm not too lazy to carry on posting!